Spotify has rolled out its 'year in review", and as I play the playlist, it suddenly brings back so many emotions and so many memories. I know we still have almost a full month before this year is up, but I feel very reflective of the year.
I've had a bit of an existential crisis about blogging recently; for the longest time I had a very set idea of what being a successful blogger was. To me it meant brand deals, millions of followers, comments freebies. For about a year I told myself that 'on my gap year, I'll have time to invest in making good content and getting brand deals.'
In a bid to do so, I rejoined twitter starting doing all that self promo stuff but I just can't do it. The blogging world has changed such a lot and I feel so disconnected from it right now. I started blogging when I was 13 and oh my lord, I'm such a different person now. I've grown up with this blog, and I've shared everything on my little page on the internet. It has been a constant source of entertainment, friendships, inspiration. My escape from life.
Like all good things, I feel like blogging has become so commercialised and I struggle to relate to a lot of the content bigger bloggers create now. I feel like it's all quite samey and it's all on fricking instagram. I'm so0oooo done with Instagram.
(My ig feed is full of the same stuff, if anyone has any recommendations for bloggers or cool people, lemme know bc I need to change it up.)
In short, I've been putting so much pressure on myself to create that the thought of blogging makes me want to run in the opposite direction. I kept telling myself that I was a failure because I wasn't posting good content frequently. But it's so not about that; and I know it's not.
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| 15 year old me, nearly 5 years ago wtf gonna cry |
Why am I saying all this? This isn't a goodbye letter to blogging incase you were worried. I think this is me telling myself it's ok to be a shit blogger sometimes. I want to let go of the pressure I've built up in my head and enjoy blogging again. Let's get creative and groovy baby.
Watch this space,
xoxo
lexie
(think im gonna start signing off like gossip girl too)
Also I just want to say, why is God's Plan in my playlist? Also Wearing my Rolex by Wiley? The last time I listened to that I was probs about 14. Other than that it's relatively accurate lol.
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Ah b, this is such a feel :-/ I've hit a rut with blogger too, it used to be such a world in itself, and it still is, but it has become, like you said, hella commercialised. I find myself fretting over the fact that my posts don't get nearly as many views/comments than they used to rather than not caring and just posting because I want to and seeing the fun in it (like my 14 year old self did with her 40-odd posts with 0 views or comments). It's a bit dead watching capitalism take over the laid-back, diy, safe and comfy corner of internet blogging! But to some extent there have always been those 'bloggers' who are proper shiny and neat with brand deals and freebies and followers etc. That's part of the culture too. But it can be intimidating, especially when you're stuck between just wanting to post and have fun and meet new people and growing a brand, business or online personality. Blog blog blog, and keep blogging. (lol I'll always be here to read !!) may 2k19 be the year of blogging what we want without pressure to be some type of way, of having fun with this site in order to produce things that come from a healthy, less anxiety-ridden place!! Love your blog so so much - I am not ready for people to start disappearing, lol. Happy holidays Lexie!! Also, dope playlist and haha Wearing my Rolex is a good song, so many memories! Sending luv xo
ReplyDeleteZoe xo
delicate--musings.blogspot.com
Thank you so much Zoe for this comment!! Sorry for the redic late reply, but I always read and love your comments xxx
DeleteOh...i can totally relate to everything you wrote above. Before starting mine i was intimidated by the successful bloggers and the ever-growing blogosphere. I still don't know how to make mine stand out and have my own community but just like you said, it's ok to be a shit blogger. Sometimes it's totally fine to feel uninspired or unmotivated.
ReplyDeleteIt's so intimidating right? I feel completely the same, but at the end of the day it's all good and theres so many amazing people who will be around to read x
Deletewowow I can relate to this. It's like I'm in such a weird position with blogging at the moment and I have no real direction about where it is heading but then I just quite like doing it sometimes and I think that will continue. A blog is always there to come back to which is kind of nice, kind of like I should blog more but I feel like with so many blogger out there you just have to carve your own path.
ReplyDeleteeleanorclaudie.com
I feel the complete same! It's so weird not feeling as though you have a direction, but as you say it's v refreshing x
DeleteI love that 'and beautiful and loved and extraordinary are written in on the 'You Are Magical' napkin. The photos are very artistic and inspirational. I love that last photo too. You were already a very pretty fashionista at 15.
ReplyDeleteI haven't posted much lately either.. only once in 2017 and twice in 2018. Maybe I'll post a bit more this year?
https://full-brief-panties.blogspot.com/